Heads up! True tails from checkoutsville.

1. I eat breakfast with a companion at a fast food joint in Arkadelphia, Arkansas. The tab comes to $9.68. I hand the girl two five-dollar bills and two dimes. (The goal here is to get back quarters with which to feed my newspaper habit.) She looks at the money, and then at the cash register. She then opens the cash drawer and hands me four one-dollar bills and two pennies. I walk away and receive criticism from my companion for stealing three dollars and fifty cents. I point out that it actually comes to more than that since I do not plan to pay income tax on the ill-gotten proceeds.

2. I eat breakfast alone at a fast food joint in Jonesboro, Arkansas. The tab comes to $3.82. I hand the girl a five-dollar bill, three dimes, and two pennies. (The goal here is to get back quarters with which to feed my newspaper habit.) The girl looks at my money for a few seconds, looks at the cash register, then rings up the fiver. She slides the three dimes and two pennies back to me, along with a dollar and eighteen cents from the register.

3. I eat breakfast at a fast food joint in Jonesboro, Arkansas. The girl at the register appears to be new. I order a sausage biscuit, withholding the drink request in order to allow her time to ring up the sandwich. She looks at the register for about five seconds, then calls the manager.

4. I eat breakfast at a fast food joint in Jonesboro, Arkansas. The girl at the register is new. Her identification tag declares her name to be "Jarlisa". She has a hard time filling my order of two sausage biscuits and a senior coffee. Her first day on the job also turns out to be her last.